OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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