Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
