get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
