what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
