I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
