so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
