last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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