last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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