I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
