Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
