my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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