I must be too annoying 4 u.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
