legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
