Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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