somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize