youre lurking in front of me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
