He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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