He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
