i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
