I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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