I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
