Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
