If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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