Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
