the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
