hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
