i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
