So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
