I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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