i would punch a child for taco bell
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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