please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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