So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
