Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
