I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
