His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
