The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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