the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
