I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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