forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She even gives head with a lisp.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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