I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The uberlube is also flammable
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
