my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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