Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
