I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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