I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
