the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
being pregnant is like rehab
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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