she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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