I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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