Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he thought i was a dude.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
