Got a toothbrush?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
