Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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