nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
