i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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