In the future we'll all be gay
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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