halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
