i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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