I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
