Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
