Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
