I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize