Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
