I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
