Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
