it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
