I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
