I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
