I met the friendliest cop last night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize