I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I love you. Go after that dick
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
