After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
