I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said βstroke.β
Randomize