Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
