Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
