It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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