Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
